First change, the first of the year.

So as you all know I get along with the grandparents really well, but the mom just isn't a nice person. She is super immature and will give me the silent treatment for a week if I talk to her about something or ask if I can go out and celebrate a birthday or something. She never wanted me to leave the house! I would have free time from 1pm - 5pm and she told me I'm not aloud to leave during that time. I would go crazy just sitting in my room all day like that. I wanted to go out and explore, have lunch with friends, etc. and in my contract it says that I am aloud to do whatever I want with my free time. It is also stated that I have to have my own room. At first I decided to just deal with it thinking it wouldn't be that big of a deal but then realized after two months that I couldn't sleep with a 5 year old boy anymore. I really do need my own space. So since my host mother spoke very little English, Rowe, my agent, talked to her about it and asked if she could change these things. She said no and came home and wouldn't even look at me let alone be in the same room as me. I walked into her room and asked if she would talk with me about it and she said no. 

Finally she asked to talk about it and all it ended up as was a two hour conversation about how awful I am. She definitely hit some soft spots... I've realized in my life if someone can't make me laugh then there is definitely something wrong with them. And on the other hand if someone can make me cry that isn't a family member, there is definitely something wrong with them too. She told me that her first au pair made her love the system and that's why she wanted more, but I've made her not believe in it anymore. The funny thing is Rowe tells me about once a week that she calls her and just talks about how much her and her family like me. She went on about how I don't spend enough time with the kids and am not part of the family which made me want to laugh in her face to because I AM ALWAYS HOME and the grandparents are like my best friends. My Chinese teacher told me that she was bagging on me so much because the Chinese way to deal with something is do anything you can to try and get your ego back. If someone tells you that you're doing something wrong, ya they don't like that. Haha so even after her telling me she doesn't like me being a part of her family she wanted me to stay and we could fix the problem. After this conversation I was pretty much done with her and never wanted to have to talk to her again and the problem could never be fixed! I asked her at the end again if she could carry through with my two wishes and she said no. But when I told her I needed to switch families she would just sit there and tell me we could fix it. It was ridiculous. I felt like I was breaking up with someone. When I told the grandma I was leaving she cried! And then her and grandpa just kept repeating "Lucy eat Lucy eat." Translation: Lucy you have to call us and come eat lunch with us. This will always be your true beijing home. It was heartbreaking leaving them. Everyone was hugging me and crying and the host mother said bye bye and walked away. Haha so she wasn't being a very good sport about it. Sorry the bashing on me until I was in tears didn't make me want to stay. 

So now I am in this beautiful new apartment with my own room on the 18th floor and a beautiful view. I have to take the kid to the bus every morning at 8 and then have the rest of the day to myself until 5. Then I play with the kid until he goes to sleep. And get this, Linda and I live at the same subway station stop, our homes are about a ten minute walk away from each other, and our families are friends. What are the odds of that?! And It's so nice having a schedule! I am so sick of guessing where I'm supposed to be all the time. Plus I'm getting paid more to take care of one kid instead of two. Haha doesn't make sense at all. 

While I was having these problems at my old home I would always try and stay positive about it, keep my head up and tell myself it could always get worse. But Linda, Seamus, and Rowe really put it into perspective how bad I had it and I wasn't getting all that I could out of this experience. I couldn't even see beijing in this mess. So even though I was trying to take it as a learning test and making my patience stronger, it soon just started to break me into little pieces. So thanks to them that I finally had the courage to not let her walk all over me anymore. Maybe that was the new learning part about this. A lot of the time I am just too nice and get smashed in the dirt for it. It's time that I realize there is a point where they are fully taking advantage of me and I need to learn to complain about it and make my life better. Sometimes as humans I guess we need to come first.