Moral of the Au Pair story.

First of all: I know, and I'm sorry that I fell completely off the radar through my last moments in China. That's not the point though.

It has now been exactly one year since I got on that airplane and 6 months since I got home to America, and it doesn't even seem real anymore. I LIVED IN CHINA! I honestly can't believe it myself. My best friend, Linda (you've all heard plenty about her. Swedish and cute), is now back in China, living in Shanghai, to study the language, and I guess it's just really making me think back to the days we were both off adventuring together, trying to figure out what the hell we were doing. In these circumstances, I really wish I was back out there with her. Living on our own, not having to abide by the rules of parents anymore and especially not having to share a room with a 5 year old boy. Probably best I'm not out there, though, because we would for sure be arrested this time.

When people ask me about my experiences In Beijing, I don't know what to tell them. Do I sugar coat it and try to stay positive? Or am I allowed to say, "You know what, I had a lot of really bad experiences out there and I'm glad to be home."

So now I'm going to be honest:

I really did have a lot of terrible experiences in China. I've never broken down like I did there, felt as violated and have never been more frustrated with the human race in my life. There were times that I was treated so poorly I couldn't believe it. Some of the things I saw made me sick to my stomach for a week at a time. I was forced to become hard and believe nobody was trustworthy, to save myself from theft and being screwed over. I can come up with a good amount of times I truly wanted to come home because I was over it, and that made me lose a lot of respect for myself because I didn't think I was strong enough to stay.

So why did I stay?

I really did have a lot of terrific experiences in China. I met a couple of my closest friends there. I stay in touch with two of them that live in different countries more than I do with people that live 45 minutes away from me. My best friend is Swedish and smart and adventurous (how many of you can say that?). I kind of fell in love. I was forced to find the people I really could trust and stay as close to them as possible, actually letting them in. The happiness my blonde hair and white face gave people proves that the smallest things can be big. I learned to speak Chinese. I can come up with a good amount of times I was proud of myself because I made myself strong enough to stay.

I can say I will never be an Au Pair again. Teaching Chinese kids is the greatest form of birth control you could take. Seriously. My friends are dreaming about their upcoming families, and I'm scared of babies. But, I am more than grateful I had my one time experience. I do believe that everyone should. Sometimes I wanted to take their heads off, but I also had moments with my China babies that I will cherish forever. Also, being an Au Pair is the only reason I ended up in a different country. These different agencies, some better than others, make it pretty easy to get out there. One of my Brazilian friends from China is now in America with another Au Pair group! People from all over the world have been asking me for advice. "How did you do it?" "How are you still alive?" "How did you make this kid stop screaming?" It's so awesome being able to help these other kids that are going through the exact same things I did.

Most importantly, this China Au Pair experience started the travel bug. I've now been to 6 different countries by myself, just turning 20 years old. I actually just went over to Europe to visit three of my friends that I met while I was in Beijing. We had a big reunion in Oropesa and Madrid, Spain. Then I hopped over to Geneva, Switzerland and Annecy, France. I have connections all over the world now with people that would let me crash on their couch any time of the year. I will admit, I get a lot of crap from people for not going to University right out of high school, but honestly, I feel like I'm learning a lot more than half the kids my age going to school. These cultures and languages I'm experiencing hands on teach me more than any text book.

So my moral of my Au Pair story is go and get out there. It doesn't necessarily have to be to teach kids English. Just go. Take your leap of faith, go against the norm, disappoint your parents for a sec by not going to school, because you want to go experience something new (sorry parents...). I swear it will be worth it.

xo Lucy